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My Only: A Versions Novel, by N.K. Smith
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Adam James’s life is far from perfect. A talented drummer from a small suburb of Chicago, he keeps to himself and downplays his abilities. Thinking that he is less than all those around him, Adam lives his life in the shadow of his popular twin brother, Aaron.
When a free-spirited new girl with a troubled past moves in across the street, Adam's eyes are opened to a new world of possibilities. Olivia Cartwright’s philosophies on life give her a deeper understanding of the world. An instant connection between Adam and Olivia draws them closer, but he wonders why anyone would choose him when a better version exists. His worry grows stronger, especially when Aaron takes an interest in Olivia.
Will the friendship with Olivia change Adam, or will he continue to close himself off in his own world?
Adam has a choice to make: risk his friendship with Olivia or fight for something more.
Adam has a lot to learn about love...and life.
- Sales Rank: #672057 in eBooks
- Published on: 2014-03-07
- Released on: 2014-03-07
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
N.K. Smith is the author of several books including the young adult sensations The Old Wounds series and Ghosts of Our Pasts Interested in a variety of genres and styles, she also penned Are You Mine? and Hollywood Lies. She lives in the Midwest.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
DO NOT MISS THIS BOOK! BUY IT NOW!
By Sara S.
"Loneliness is amplified when everyone you know is busy talking to everyone but you."
Adam is a twin. Aaron, a whole 22 minutes older, is as identical to Adam as he is different. The town knows they are twins but while Aaron is outgoing, social, athletic and a ladies' man Adam is quiet, reserved, plays on the drum line and has only had a brief encounter with a girl. They even differ in size but still have that twin bond. The twins are twins.
When the enigmatic Olivia shows up in an upstairs window of the Cartwright house across the street dancing, Adam is mesmerized.
"I looked out my window for just a second and I saw her. My feet stopped. My whole body stopped. As if I were transfixed, I watched her as she danced. She looked so beautiful? Sexy? Without a doubt. But there was something else, something more important than all of that. She looked free. "
Adam, shy Adam gets a chance to spend some time with Olivia who needs a history tutor. It's a good thing Adam rocks that subject. From their first "session" in Adam's room we get to meet Olivia. She really is a free spirit. Someone who doesn't hang on to the negative and wants to live in the present, not dwell on the past. Hence her need for a history tutor. Though the first few conversations between Adam and Olivia are awkward for him, he finds comfort being close to her. Adam starts to open up in ways he never has before. Things he always thought people would call him a geek, nerd for Olivia finds cool. That starts a change in Adam.
Unfortunately for Adam, Aaron has taken an interest in Olivia as well. He can't blame his brother for noticing her or wanting to be around her but he can resent him for wanting her the same way Adam does. While Adam is content to be friends with Olivia, just to be around her, Aaron is there for more. He will give his brother a chance to speak up but he won't wait long.
"Aaron was right. I was theory and he was fact. While I thought, he did. But with my brother knowing, he was going to force my hand. Either I was going to go after Olivia or he was."
Olivia is such a complex character as most females are yet she draws you in with her complexity. She not only intrigues the twins with her mysterious ways she draws in the reader. There is no fluff here. No eye rolling, hair tossing or silly games to be played. Olivia is straight forward as they come. She shows genuine emotion, concern, empathy and joy. Olivia was me in so many ways it was downright creepy but also a moment for a fist pump! I won't say how, I don't do spoilers, but two major reasons had me a mess and so excited to be represented that way. I respect the author for that, she handled both issues so well.
This book took me to the depths of my emotions. I don't say that lightly. I swear this did not read like a traditional YA novel, it is with superb sophistication. This is not a book about a typical love triangle. This is real emotion with real people.
The writing is just gorgeous. There is no filler in site. Just beautiful words strewn together in ways that reach into your soul, make you smile, make you cry, make you route for the underdog to get what they truly deserve and just flat out breaks your heart.
There is so much I got from reading this book other than pure emotion and pleasure. My Only is a story about strength; strength in yourself to live, to lose to overcome and move on. The epilogue had me in a new rush of emotions that did not allow me sleep for another two hours. Did I mention how emotional this story is? I honestly do not think I can do this book justice with a review; I gave it a good try.
My Only is a stellar read, I was blown away. It was suggested to me by a friend and I will be forever thankful to her for the suggestion. Every emotion I felt was well worth it. This is now a favorite and one I will shout from the rooftops for everyone to read.
"I'd never given much thought to the seasons. Some people could say which one they liked the best, and which one they liked the least. But not me. I'd ever really cared much.
Until now."
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
HEART-BREAKING, HEART-MELTING, HEART-WRENCHING - SIMPLY SENSATIONAL!
By Natasha is a Book Junkie
"I was so lonely that I was practically nonexistent. I wished I wasn't. I wished my personality was one that made people gravitate toward me. I wished I knew what to say to people. I wished I knew how to just fit right in. I wished I could just be comfortable in social settings and be able to go after everything and anything I wanted. In short, I wished I was my brother. He was never lonely."
Have you ever felt overshadowed by someone close to you? Have you ever wished you were born different - more attractive, smarter, easier to talk to? Now imagine if there was another person in the world who looked exactly like you but they were the better version of you in every single way. That is the story of Adam.
Adam and Aaron were born twins but apart from the DNA they share there is very little they have in common. While Aaron is the most popular boy at school, Adam is one of the geeks that everyone mocks. While Aaron is confident, outspoken, cocky, a go-getter, Adam is quiet, shy, insecure, an introvert. While Aaron can have any girl he sets eyes on, Adam has never even kissed a girl. But this is not just a story of opposites and the `rise of the underdog', this is a story of self-discovery, of family bonds, of finding one's voice and going after what we truly want in life. Aaron and Adam cannot be simply dismissed as `too different to have anything in common' - their bond as twins and ultimately as brothers makes their story even more complex and touching. Adam's desire to be like his brother is not one of hateful envy. As opposite as they are, they are always there for each other, knowing exactly what the other needs, quietly supporting one another no matter what.
"... it always seemed to hurt when I thought about how different I was from Aaron. My desire to be like him physically, emotionally, and mentally was causing me to respond this way."
And then a girl named Olivia moves into the house next door. Adam sees her from his bedroom window and is immediately drawn to this beautiful girl who dances freely in her room like no one is watching - "She looked free." Her openness, her confidence, her ability to talk to anyone and make everyone around her feel confortable make him want to spend every second of every day around her. Olivia's perky but compassionate personality draws Adam out of his shell, giving him courage to be himself. He allows her to enter his solitary world and pull him out of it without judgement or any desire to change him, simply by accepting him for who he is and supporting the things he is passionate about. For the first time in Adam's young life he does not feel invisible.
"Even my twin brother had never had the inclination to figure me out like Olivia had done."
They quickly develop a genuine friendship, something Adam has never had with a girl, a friendship that for Adam turns into his first real crush. Unfortunately, Aaron has also noticed Olivia and he is just as drawn to her as his brother is. He gives Adam a chance to make the first move but Adam's insecurities end up paralysing him and he loses his chance with her.
"You can like any girl you want," he said, "but unless you're going to go for it, there's no way in hell I'm going to sit back and pretend that I don't like her, too. See? This is the difference between us. You're all theory. You say, `I like her', but do nothing about it. And I'm the proven fact. I say, `I like her', and I act on it."
What follows is an utterly heart-wrenching account of what it feels like to think you are "worthless and unworthy", inadequate, not special enough to be wanted or ever chosen by someone over your own brother. We only ever hear Adam's voice in this story. His heartbreak over watching the girl he loves in the arms of the one person who makes him feel less worthy is one of the most intense emotions I have felt in a long time from reading a book. Adam's tone is steady, matter-of-factly, his every self-flagellating thought or word stings us powerfully - the author is a masterful storyteller who consistently takes good aim and she never misses the target.
"I was nothing more than a pile of regretful nothingness."
But do not be mistaken by thinking this is your `garden-variety' love triangle because there is nothing common about this beautiful book. By telling the story from the point of view of the `underdog', we are not being entertained by frivolous alpha male pissing-contests; we are given a real situation with real people and real heartbreak. Adam's `competition' is his twin brother and as complicated as their relationship has become over the years, they will always be brothers and this unbreakable bond between them plays an important part in the story itself. There are no `bad guys' here, there are no right or wrong decisions made by the characters - this is not a story of conflict, this is a story of human connections and of living life to its fullest without any regrets. This is also an incredibly romantic story about falling in love for the first time.
There are parts of this tale that are so touching and so deeply emotional that you would need to tear your heart out of your chest in order not to feel anything, but it all serves a purpose. Every page, every word, every character counts. This book needed all its elements, happy or sad, to faithfully and truthfully tell Adam's story. His depth of emotion, the rawness and the reality of each one of its parts made me a very invested and fiercely protective observer. There were scenes that made my heart clench, some that literally made me a sobbing puddle of mess, and others that quite simply obliterated me, but there was never even a split second where I did not enjoy reading this book.
"Life's too short to get stuck. I don't have time to wallow in despair. I felt my feelings. I cried my tears, and now I'm ready to get on with it all."
This story was a deeply cathartic experience, but one that I will probably want to repeat at some point in the future. I suspected this book would be good but I did not expect it to be sensational. And it was, without a doubt.
~ N ♥
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing! Beautiful! Heartbreaking!
By J.M.T.
I fell in love with this story and N.K. Smith. I don't write summaries or long reviews just my opinion. I avoided this book for so long. I was completely turned of by the price. That being said, it had amazing reviews on Goodreads.com so I decided to splurge and just buy it. I had very high expectations. I was NOT disappointed! This was such a beautiful story. I had to stop reading cause I was crying so hard! It's one of those stories that make you "feel". You wont be able to stop thinking about it long after you finish. Beautiful & heartbreaking. A new favorite of mine. I'm so glad I read this. Do not pass it up!!!
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